Another super-old piece that I posted a video of and was asked to share in written form…
*
Army Girl
thoughts of you trespass again today
slide their way inside my brain,
slip easily past the boundaries
I have constructed. brand new fences
long since rusted, worn, pristine paper
fortresses — already torn.
but I’d expect no less
from my one-woman army.
my materials are shoddy, second-rate,
and thoughts reflect the girl
whose body bore them; they are
forces no fence could intimidate.
so state your purpose in arriving here
I was sitting down to dinner.
there is living to be done.
your shadow lingers in the doorway,
never answers, still–
you come.
and I stare at the flat, black tower
casting at your feet, stare
at the horizon where blood
and winter meet.
I didn’t know you had a shadow
until your footsteps about-faced
their direction, didn’t know you
could be cold until after I’d been
burned by your affection — lit,
still, the forces that could comfort
ask me to forget, or would,
if I called up the courage
to mention you exist.
this resistence is a political
publicity stunt, a forced game
of hide-and-go-seek,
a prey-instead hunt, so,
what do I tell the citizens,
when our nation crumbles –
shambles, oil, ash.
write me the recipe for the news flash
that justifies my meagre defense attempt.
I wanted you to win.
the monarch of the century,
praying secretly, for means
to let the revolution in.
you were raw evolution, unpeeled.
you said I saved you.
I did not deserve those words.
do I deserve this?
battle of the adolescent experience,
the entire conflict is constructed
in my head, attacks fabricated,
a thousand troops misled,
you said, we’d be together always
if only in my mind. how relative
“together.” how loosely defined.
I surrender.
one white flag raised.
surrender our forever to the realm
of yesterdays. just let me page
through the history awhile.
let me study the story I admit
has now concluded. that single fact
can no longer be disputed,
though we fought for months on end.
my hope is like a fortress,
but there are some things
even it cannot defend.
